AUSTIN AND MASON THE HUMOR WITHIN PARENTING

Mason since he could speak and had discovered "passing gas" begain to refer to flatulence as " Butt Noise" and occasionally " Really Loud Butt Noise".

Austin at 6 on chivalry when being instructed to hold a door open for a female, he wanted to know why, and I explained to him about being a gentleman, and ladies first, and his 6 yr old mind reverted back to the days of kings and knights, and stated "then it should have been lady's first when it was time to slay a dragon, or lady's first to go to war"

Mason at 2,3, and 4 on Uncle Kevin: "i'm going to beat you down" (mason then goes into a WWF/Mike Tyson early twenties rampage and destroys pillows and stuffed animals reenacting the damage he is going to do to Uncle Kevin.

Mason last Sun.on daddy first thing in the morning: "daddy the air smells funny" daddy, "like what?" after catching a breeze from daddy's mouth he discovered the culprit and said "eww daddy you make a butt noise in your breath"

Austin at two once performed Maxwell into a microphone with every emotion expressed in the lyrics in the song, and I have it all on video!

Mason at three feeling inspired stood up on a chair in a restaurant and announced very loudly that he was going to throw up in the street and watch the people step on it.

Mason at 3 when asked where Harry the Hamster has gone he states" Harry, has a red car, he is in school with his friends, and he is coming back later" Harry's life was ended after escaping from his cage and ending his life by attempting to chew and swallow a "AA" battery.

Austin after a field trip to a center to discuss sexual health and reproduction, decided to come home and share some of the info he had obtained against my wishes, he decided to go straight to the segment about erections, ejaculation, and wet dreams. Not so funny but I'm glad he felt comfortable enough to talk to me about that, and I pray that it never happens again.

Austin's phase of "Oh shit" and "Oh Fuck" he said it just like it is supposed to be said when someone almost hits a car or drops a glass.
Mason's phase of "Kiss My Ass" and " Shut the Fuck up" which was said randomly with no rhyme or reason at any given moment without any fair warning.

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The Therapist is Going to Need a Therapist!

So, my husband and I decided to see a therapist with hopes of salvaging our marriage, and with hopes to learn to communicate better, something we both exhibit signs of weakness in accomplishing.

The initial visit was hilarious to me. We signed in, filled out our paperwork, all the things you do when you are new to a practice. Then like a force of nature, came the arguing. At this point I can't even remember what we were arguing about, but I remember the awkward disgruntled looks of the other patients who were waiting to be seen, as well as the poor receptionist, who was ducking her head as far out of view to avoid eye contact.

Shortly after the arguing began, we hear the shriek of a door, the thumping of footsteps, and around the corner comes a husky woman with a forced smile with her hand coming straight for me. Our arguing came to a hault, and we proceeded to follow her down the hall, and then down a steep staircase, which led us to the "dungeon" as I would like to call it.

Afer a brief introduction of herself, she proceeded to ask us about what brought us here, and like always my husband passed the mic to me (which bothers me at times because the submission of himself to allow me to speak is later criticized and used as a weapon, as to say that I don't EVER allow him to speak). I begain to speak generally about the more emergent issues we are facing in our marriage, and then I was so rudely interrupted by the VENTING of my husband. He was trying to vent twelve years of a relationship that started shortly after we became pubescent into a five minute session, scrambling and stuttering, without making much sense.

At this time, I was waiting for the therapist to intervene. Never happened. I could feel my blood pressure literally rising, my heart raising, and something inside of me was not allowing me to control myself. This was not new, but I really was trying to make a good impression of myself to therapist, in hopes that as women we would stick together. However, my charming good looks intelligence and sense of humor would not gain her support. I soon realized that my visions of us tag teaming him in an attack to make him realize his flaws and participation in the destruction of our marriage without any regards to mine was soon dissipated.

I felt overwhelmed at this point. He was venting, she was scribbling, and I was fighting so hard to bite my tongue.

Then I couldn't take it anymore.

The exagerations and falsifications of events drove me to a place of anger and irrationale, something I am very used and good at expressing.

Then came the battle. I was embarassed but elated in the same that this occurred.
Arguing is something I do well. I was born to be a lawyer, but fell in love with medicine.

I begin by recalling previous statements he made and cross-examining them, remembering the lies in which he told and then stating actual facts that occurred, purposely using "big" words not commonly used in every day conversations with hopes to "lose" him and gain her respect as well, while bringing the truth to light by proving the logic in what I was saying as opposed to what he was stating.

It was BEAUTIFUL, watching him squirm at a lost for words.

What made him think he could lie his way into thinking he wasn't the bad guy?

The poor therapist was beet red.

She appeared to be very anxious.

I could tell this was all very awkward for her.

We proceeded to argue and I didn't stop until the realization that others in the office may hear us, and that by stopping I would look like "the bigger person" crossed my mind.

The session came to end.

No guidance.

The only thing she said was, "we have to learn how to let things go".

And we scheduled our next appt.

After the appointment, my husband and I left.

I waited in the car, as he smoked a cigarette (something I detest).

As he sat in the car, he turned to give me hug.

I couldn't even look at him I was so pissed let alone hug him (it was too soon for me to practice the only advice the therapist had given us that evevning, and so I held on to my emotions).

He wanted to continue the converstation (if that's what you want to call it) in the car. I decided not to talk immediately until I could control my emotions of rage and the feeling of wanting to claw his eyes out or put bleach in his contact solution.

Then I simply said, we shouldn't talk about it outside of therapy since that has not worked for us in the past.

We went home.

I fell asleep on the couch watching t.v. in an attempt to sleep alone.

I succeeded.

Obama vs. McCain???

If Obama left his first wife for a much younger woman because he more or less grew bored of her how would America view him?

If Obama was a member of the Keating 5, how would America view him?

If Obama supported the ideas of George W. Bush, how would America view him?

If Obama's wife was addicted to pain killers, how would America view him?

If Obama spent his time drinking and partying among his professional colleagues, how would America view him?

If one of Obama's teenage daughters was pregnant at 17, how would America view him and his family?

If Obama held rallies as opposed to campaigning how would America view him?

If Obama publicly stated that reason why Chelsea Clinton is "so ugly" is because she is the child of "Janet Reno and Hilary Clinton", how would America view him? (McCain did offer a public apology for this statement to everyone except Janet Reno, as he saw no reason to do so).

If Obama publicly referred to Pat Robertson and Rev. Jerry Falwell as "forces of evil", how would America view him? (McCain did offer a public apology for this statement as well, " I do not consider them evil, and I regret that my flip remark may have mistakenly created that impression".

If John McCain was articulate and eloquent, how would America view him differently?

If John McCain was President of Harvard Law (keep in mind that John McCain is not a minority and therefore being President of Harvard Law is not as accomplished as it could be in that case), how would America view him differently?

My answer is that nothing would change. I think regardless of the times, we still live among racism, and it is prominent in ways that are not always apparent. Obama is viewed by some, in ways that would lead you to believe that he has the track record that McCain has had throughout his life. Sadly, Obama doesn't, but he is discredited because of his race. McCain has repeatedly made choices that should concern American citizens, including his choice for V.P.